We Are All God's Children -- From a Previous Marriage!

You laugh? It just so happens that Funny Guy speaks to God every night; the problem is, God always calls collect. For David Samson has reached that profound state which only occurs after hundreds of LSD trips, thousands of mescaline trips, or just one trip to Cleveland.

He has united the wisdom of Zen masters with the knowledge of Donald Trump for the purpose of creating a space, and then erecting a casino on it. Not one to take chances with his soul, Funny Guy is a member of at least 477 religions including...

• The Kosher Pentacostals (Will only speak in tongue sandwiches)
  
  
• The Voodoo Christian Scientists (Will stick pins in themselves and then refuse to see doctors)
  
  
• The Satanic Atheists (Will say the Devil made me do it, but don't believe it)
  
  
• The Jewish Buddhists (Will have guilt from previous lifetimes)
  
  
• The Zen Amish (Will ponder, "What is the sound of one hoof clopping?")
  

JEWISH BUDDHIST

Recently Funny Guy experienced a wondrous sense of being reborn; too bad this happened inside the original womb. Yet with patience and devotion, he believes he still can achieve his true spiritual goal -- eternal oneness with Britney Spears.

Listen sinners, can you deny a Higher Authority beyond all intellect, all reason, with powers even greater than John Ashcroft? Can you deny the universe will explode in an instant -- probably during the last five minutes of American Idol? No wonder you need David Samson to expound upon:

• How to Find a Good Astral Travel Agent
  
  

• The Tibetan Book of the Grateful Dead
  
  

• Reaching Nirvana by Doublecrossing a Loanshark
  
  

• Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sects (But Were Too Afraid to Ask)
  
  

• Why Satan is a Hell of a Guy
  
  

• Plus Should Your Resume Contain previous Life Experience
  
  

Let Funny Guy teach you how to avoid plagues, pestilence, and root canal work! Let him show you hope, salvation, and where to find a clean restroom along the Jersey Turnpike. Oh brothers and sisters, let him lead you towards true enlightenment -- maybe then you'll drop that sixty pounds!

Remember, this is the first day of your afterlife! So make a sacred vow to hear the revelations of Funny Guy. Because if you don't, he'll have no choice. No choice whatsoever. He'll be forced to join the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program!