Ready For A Hotline
David Samson has discovered God has an Almighty sense of
humor. At first you may not get the joke, because it's
probably on you. But if you learn to laugh a little at
yourself, it makes it easier to get through.
Reach God through prayer, meditation, from a bubble bath or
even from the Oval Office. Following a major faith or just
being"spiritual" is also okay. But God isn't too thrilled if
you join any wacky sects, such as the...
Jewish Buddhists (They have guilt from
Voodoo Christian Scientists (They stick
pins in themselves and then refuse to see doctors)
Agnostic Protestants (They're unsure
why they're keeping you out of their country clubs)
Kosher Pentacostals (They only speak in
The Zen Amish (They ponder, "What is
the sound of one hoof clopping?")
God Even Loves YOU!
David Samson believes you can have a wondrous sense of being
reborn. But don't expect this to happen inside the original
womb! With patience and devotion, you will achieve eternal
oneness - just not with Britney Spears!
As you call, realize that God is very, VERY busy. Like any
other omnipotent CEO (not that there is any other omnipotent
CEO), there is a certain executive protocol that must be
followed. Here are a few hints:
- An Armani suit doesn't impress God any more than a
discounted plaid jacket off the rack from Sears!
- When you see rainbows, shooting stars, sunsets, just
give God a quick thumbs up call. He likes feedback!
- Don't wait until earthquakes, hurricanes, meteor
impacts or political conventions to call. Slow news days
are just as okay.
- If your call is not urgent, first contact a heavenly
staff member: a priest, rabbi, reverend, cleric, wiseman,
guru, etc. See if they can handle the problem at the
middle management level.
- And remember children's calls always take priority,
so teach them the number!
Heaven CAN'T Wait!
Reaching God can help you avoid plagues, pestilence, plus
root canal work! Just speak from the heart and you will
surely find hope, salvation, maybe even a clean restroom
along the New Jersey Turnpike!
Yes, there's no denying a Higher Authority beyond all
intellect, all reason, with powers even greater than Dick
Cheney's. Don't discover too late that heaven CAN'T wait.
Contact David Samson now for a divine program!