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Ready For A Hotline To Heaven!?

David Samson has discovered God has an Almighty sense of humor. At first you may not get the joke, because it's probably on you. But if you learn to laugh a little at yourself, it makes it easier to get through.

Reach God through prayer, meditation, from a bubble bath or even from the Oval Office. Following a major faith or just being"spiritual" is also okay. But God isn't too thrilled if you join any wacky sects, such as the...

  • Jewish Buddhists (They have guilt from previous lifetimes)

  • Voodoo Christian Scientists (They stick pins in themselves and then refuse to see doctors)

  • Agnostic Protestants (They're unsure why they're keeping you out of their country clubs)

  • Kosher Pentacostals (They only speak in tongue sandwiches)

  • The Zen Amish (They ponder, "What is the sound of one hoof clopping?")



Hare Knishna

JEWISH BUDDHIST




God Even Loves YOU!

David Samson believes you can have a wondrous sense of being reborn. But don't expect this to happen inside the original womb! With patience and devotion, you will achieve eternal oneness - just not with Britney Spears!

As you call, realize that God is very, VERY busy. Like any other omnipotent CEO (not that there is any other omnipotent CEO), there is a certain executive protocol that must be followed. Here are a few hints:


  • An Armani suit doesn't impress God any more than a discounted plaid jacket off the rack from Sears!

  • When you see rainbows, shooting stars, sunsets, just give God a quick thumbs up call. He likes feedback!

  • Don't wait until earthquakes, hurricanes, meteor impacts or political conventions to call. Slow news days are just as okay.

  • If your call is not urgent, first contact a heavenly staff member: a priest, rabbi, reverend, cleric, wiseman, guru, etc. See if they can handle the problem at the middle management level.

  • And remember children's calls always take priority, so teach them the number!




Middle Management




Heaven CAN'T Wait!


Reaching God can help you avoid plagues, pestilence, plus root canal work! Just speak from the heart and you will surely find hope, salvation, maybe even a clean restroom along the New Jersey Turnpike!

Yes, there's no denying a Higher Authority beyond all intellect, all reason, with powers even greater than Dick Cheney's. Don't discover too late that heaven CAN'T wait. Contact David Samson now for a divine program!





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